Sexual Wellness

Sexual Wellness: Getting the most out sex

Photo taken by Sarah Scicluna

Recently, people have been throwing around the phrases, "there is no safe-sex, only safer sex" or, "the only safe sex is abstinence." While it is easy to understand where these statements are coming from, are they really practical and useful? Abstinence is not safe sex, it is not sex at all, and to call it such does nothing to help those engaging in a sexual relationship. For many, the actual options of safe sex are not practical. For this reason, I would like to shift from stressing "safe-sex" to sexual wellness. Our bodies are intended to have sex, and to enjoy it. We are designed to receive pleasure from intimacy, but under certain conditions. In the same way food is excellent for our bodies, but not all food and in the right portions, sex is a necessary part of life for individuals and humanity in its entirety.

So how do we enjoy sex without exposing our bodies to unnecessary risks of disease, emotional distress, or unwanted pregnancy? The answer lies within our decision making. We must be responsible and accountable for our actions, and recognize the dangers of poor decision making when it comes to sex. Unfortunately, media and liberal western culture have perverted sex and have removed the boundaries necessary to allow sexual health. One-night-stands, casual sex, multiple sexual partners, are all reasons for sexual infirmity and are not part of the natural procreation process. Many of us have started down this road of loose sexual behavior and have experienced the consequences of a lack of self control. Now that problem has been discussed, I will give some simple practical solutions.

Set Boundaries Early
The first and most important thing to consider when it comes to sexual health is what our boundaries are. We must set strong and clear boundaries before we get into a sexual relationship with anyone. I am not here to tell each person what their boundaries should be, but to say that they are necessary. Here are some suggestions
- Avoid alcohol on when dating, especially when early in the courting phase.
Alcohol impairs judgment and causes individuals to act on their feelings at the moment. If you are horny and drunk, you are much more likely to find yourself in a compromising position with a person than when you have all of your faculties at your disposal.
- Commit to only having sex within the bounds of a relationship, preferably a marriage.
People engaging in "casual sex" or that are intimate with someone too soon after meeting them are allowing emotional ties to build with a person. We also are unsure of their sexual past and could be exposing ourselves to life changing diseases with long courses of medications and visits to the physician.
- Commit to carrying barrier protection at all times, and using barrier protection.
Condoms are the best protection we have to prevent most sexually transmitted infections. Syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV are all effectively prevented from spread with appropriate use of condoms. Unfortunately, herpes and HPV (genital warts and cervical cancer) transmission is not adequately prevented with condom use. Therefore, it is imperative to be familiar with your partners sex history and their STD status. Health care providers are obligated to contact known sexual contacts after their patients are diagnosed with an STD. Be proactive and find out before the doctor calls you to say you should be tested because someone you slept with was found to be HIV positive.

Get tested
Knowing about your sexual health is important to preserve it. Many infections are asymptomatic, in other words, there are no symptoms to tell you you are infected. There are free HIV and STD clinic in most cities and treatment along with counseling is a part of most programs. They are anonymous and very protective of your privacy. Before and after each new sexual partner, you should be tested to know that you will not be spreading an STD, and that you have not contracted one. In addition, it is recommend that you are tested every six months. Even the most cautious person can contract a disease, and the only way of preventing prolonged infection with other long-term affects, such as sterility is to get tested, and treated early if you are found to have an infection.
Some people are petrified of being tested. One suggestion is to go with friends, or your partner. If you go with friends there is no concern of them finding out embarrassing and private information. You will see the clinic staff individually and you will receive your results at a later time. Your privacy is not compromised and you will have the support of all your friends to overcome any apprehension. Make discovering your sexual health a fun and rewarding experience knowing that you are taking control of your life and doing something healthy.


Know Before you "Know"
Photo taken by Katie Tegtmeyer

The verb "to know" was an old term for having sexual intercourse with a person. I find this interesting because it is so important to be extremely familiar with a person before you jump into bed with them. You must know a person before you "know" that person. Before people eat food, they are very careful to make sure that there is no mold growing on it, there is no bad smell. They check to see that the food is safe before ingesting so that they won't get sick. Should we not do the same before having sex with someone. Author of "Let it Be Known: The Al King Point of View" and radio host of "Let it Be Known Live", Al King, suggests a 90 day rule before any intimacy with a new love interest. The amount of emotional and physical damage that can happen secondary to hasty intimacy definitely warrants waiting. Even with the most careful people, if intercourse occurs, there is always the chance for child birth. The commitment to properly raising a child is like no other and careful consideration should be made when participating in an act that can lead to ones birth. A useful barometer for choosing whether or not to have sex with a person is, "can I see myself raising a child with this person?" Ideally, marriage should precede sex. It is not impossible, just not a popular practice or idea. Therefore knowing a person well enough to say, they would make a good parent, they would take care of me, and they are trustworthy should be a prerequisite to sex.

Photo taken by Danielle Kellogg

Great Gratifying Sex

Sex when practiced in the sanctity of a marriage or very committed relationship is a wonderful experience. When two people have sex without the concern of disease, emotional distress, or unwanted pregnancy, it is infinitely more gratifying. Souls speak to each other with sex and there is a heightened level of communication between the two. Most people are aware of what wise decisions are regarding sex. All to often persons chose to ignore what they know is right, and act on how they feel at the moment. Take charge of your sexual wellness, making wise decisions about sex, in order to have the maximum fulfillment from intercourse and minimal risk. Sex is great, a wonderful gift, so do it right.